I’m posting this story today as a
birthday gift to my former high school friend Edwin Prasatya. I wish you a
Happy Birthday and may you continue to share your true kindness with the world.
Each
of the 13 stories in this series was a candidate for the main anecdote of my
graduation speech. They are actually the top 13 out of over 50 anecdotes which
I listed out, ranging from the first day I stepped foot into the school to the
very last days of school. Even just hours before graduation, there were still
events that took place that were worthy of consideration.
No
matter what the criteria was, all the listed anecdotes inevitably had something
to do with belonging and how belonging is important to my cohort. So that was
what I was looking for when I was short-listing the over 50 anecdotes down to
13. But then came the difficult part of choosing that one winner.
This
anecdote won because I felt that it was the best representation of the importance
of belonging to my classmates. But moreover, I feel that this anecdote presents
the kindness of some members of our cohort that is so extraordinary because it
demonstrated something that, having attended many different schools in the
past, does not happen often; it’s distinctly Class of 2013. Most importantly,
the anecdote presents a side to us that would otherwise go unnoticed.
However,
this story, like many of the other stories in this series, needs to be taken in
the long and complicated context that is the Class of 2013 to be fully
appreciated, a context which can never be described in words.
***
The
first school day after the end of the IPEKA Computer Competition (ICC) which
deprived me of both all nourishment and all noteworthy social interaction, I
found myself to be so disconnected from everyone due to the past four months of
work and the fact that that I was sitting at a table in the canteen alone was
proof of that
From
the school lobby a considerable distance away from the canteen table that I was
sitting at, Edwin Prasatya approached me, followed by his good friend Garry
Kusuma. I was too engrossed in my thoughts to see them walking towards me
initially and when I finally did see them, it didn’t cross my mind that they
were really walking towards me to approach me. They got closer and closer.
These two tall, well-postured men walking ever so dashingly towards me made me
think that I was dead. Of course I was. Edwin looks like someone who would be a
school bully, at least in terms of his body. All I could think to myself was
that I should begin to appreciate being alone because I think I’d rather be
alone than bullied.
Edwin
and Garry were two people whom I never really had the chance to get to know. At
that time, the closest I probably was to any of them was when they worked with
me as the “Super Team” on the ICC race. Before ICC, I don’t remember ever
speaking to any of them, or ever having reason to speak to any of them, and if
I didn’t remember it I don’t think it ever happened. Even during ICC, we only
spoke almost professionally. I barely knew anything about them and it didn’t seem
to be a problem.
What
business could they possibly have to do with me? That is, if they were actually
walking towards me.
But
they really were coming towards me.
They
then do the unthinkable: they look me in the eye, call me by name and one of
them says to me “ngapain lw duduk disini
sendirian? Duduk sama kita lah.”, “What are you doing sitting here alone?
Come sit with us.”
What?
Why?
Even
to this day, I still don’t fully understand how and why that happened. Two
people who at that stage had nothing to do with me basically came into my life.
So that was basically how I sat with and got to know what we can now call the
Blurred Lines Boys over lunch breaks.
***
Before
anyone knew it, Trial Exams were over, the trials had been marked, and we were
already entering the phase where we were just being drilled on past papers. It
was very quickly September. The end was so near. The end was graduation, equal
to basically the end of our being together.
So
close to the end, one would want it all to end well. One would want the story
of the cohort to have the happy ending we quite frankly deserved. But one day,
when everything seemed to be smooth sailing, it started to crumble for me.
Tuesday,
10 September 2013
I
came down to the canteen quite late that day because, as usual, I had to deal
with my university applications. It had been a rough day for me. That day,
Calvin came to school half-way into IBS class which was just two periods before
the lunch break looking very pale and sick. His absence caused Irvan to feel an
emptiness in the class and both Calvin’s absence and Irvan’s loneliness was
enough to leave me lonely and emotionally drained.
When
I finally did come down to the canteen with my usual packed lunch, I saw the
table which I would sit at from a distance. The usual group of people I would
sit with had already congregated together: Calvin, Irvan, Regie, Garry, Edwin,
Christian. As I got closer and closer to them, they seemed to be in the middle
of quite an important discussion. It was not often that I saw them speaking
with hands on the table, making gestures as if they were planning something.
It’s not every day that they seemed to be having quite a serious discussion.
When
I finally got to the table, however, everyone and everything just stopped. There
was an abrupt silence and everyone went on eating as I unpacked my lunchbox. Of
course I noticed the anomaly, and so I asked Regie of what was going on and
instead of answering me himself he asked Calvin if he could tell me only to
have Calvin say no. Therefore, the silence continued, and in that moment, I
realised one thing: that I was taking away their freedom. I took away their
freedom of speech, their freedom to develop meaningful connections at the
expense of my connections.
Wednesday,
11 September 2013
Not
knowing that they were actually doing something good for me and still thinking
that I took away their freedom, I decided that that day was the day that I
would sit alone once again. I thought that that was the least I could do to
give them the quality time with their friends that they deserved so close to
the end. I felt so evil and yet guilty at the same time.
So
that day I decided to sit alone again. But immediately after I took my place in
isolation, Christian took noticed immediately, asked me why I sat alone and
offered me to join them. I just said that I was fine.
Friday,
13 September 2013
The
day before, I sat alone again and a similar incident happened only this time it
was Irvan instead of Christian. It was the third time I was going to sit alone.
With every day which I did, I became slightly more and more accustomed to it.
Although that was the case, there was still discomfort both from the sheer
loneliness which I was putting myself into and from the constant resistance of
their attention. Even though it seemed like it had become a routine, it never
crossed my mind that that day, yet another person would take notice of my
personal solitary confinement. However, I would have never guessed that what
would happen on this day was so bewildering, so mind-blowing and unbelievable
that it would have such a lasting and touching impact on my life.
That
day, the boys put an end to this. I saw the boys talking amongst themselves.
Then, Edwin stood up, approached my table and asked me with the most serious
tone I had ever heard him speak in say “lw
kenapa sih? Ngapain lw duduk sendirian terus? Makan bareng kita lah.” “Are
you alright? Why are you sitting alone? Please come join us.”
I
declined.
“I’m
going to sit here with you then”, he said, and he grabbed his lunch, moved out
of his table and sat with me.
In
a matter of seconds, I found myself sitting with Edwin, just the two of us, in
a place that could not be more public. I could only look down at the table
because it hurt me so much to see one of the nicest and for that reason most
popular guys in the school sitting diametrically across what was fairly called public-enemy-number-one
without anyone else, all for the sake of public-enemy-number-one’s momentary
sense of belonging.
It
did not take long for Garry to join us at the table, concerned for the lengths Edwin
was going to not for me but rather for my sense of belonging. At the end of that,
I saw my very own Super Team doing the unthinkable. The same Super Team that
began all this for me six months ago came to the rescue once again. I realised
that day that when I called them the Super Team, it was to mean far more than
the ICC race.
I
really cannot think of a better example to demonstrate how belonging is
important to the Class of 2013. It doesn’t take Game Theory for us to know that
in life, all of our actions are determined by our objectives.
Is
belonging really important to you? Because if it really were important to you,
it would be reflected in things you do.
I
believe that a sense of belonging is a human need, one which at that time I was
missing. However, Edwin and Garry fulfilled that need of mine, and they did so
because belonging was important to them.